Blog: ‘You got Married in Spite of your Wedding Not Because of it….’

Some months ago I bounded (as I do…) into the office and started talking to Nicola about my book club book. I was telling her that at its heart it was about a wedding, and how that wedding affected, or not, the family and friends of the couple. Whilst the couple were not the main protagonists of the tale, they were integral to the narrative, and that narrative made me think about the couples we marry. Nicola then suggested that I might like to write a blog for her!

The book lead me consider how our couples, and their families, often experience the wedding adventure in very different ways. Everyone’s reality is slightly different and whereas, as a couple, you are concentrating on absolutely everything being as perfect as possible; your guests are (generally) looking forward to catching up with friends and family whilst enjoying your hospitality, but, above all, they will be delighted to be sharing your special day with you.

As many couples do, you will probably have multiple Pinterest boards, any number of Instagram hashtags to follow, Facebook stalking of other weddings, and visits to several wedding fairs - all in the name of research for your big day. The ground work will have been done, the decisions made; venue, catering, stationery, transport, photographer, guest list, flowers, frocks, hair, suits, shoes, cake, table centres, bridesmaids, ushers and a million more things (large and small). There may have been spread sheets (I do love a good spread sheet!), Gant charts, scraps of paper, email trails, websites and more, all in aid of organising the best wedding that anyone has ever been to. You may find yourselves climbing the walls and stressing over everything but actually, your guests will arrive, and the day will be amazing no matter what. The weather may be ‘good’ or ‘bad’ depending on your preference, but there will always be weather on your wedding day! The table centres may be too high, or not high enough. There may be a dress crisis requiring safety pins or a needle and thread. A suit jacket may be too big and a pair of shoes too uncomfortable but YOU will be the only ones who know any of this. Your guests will be blissfully unaware of these dramas, and they will be wowed by your venue, the cake, the flowers, your dress and most of all, they will be enjoying the day.

Back to my book – the lines which really made me think are “Expect the day to proceed with dignity and efficiency and someone was going to screw it up. Better to be together in twenty years and laugh about it, than have it run like clockwork and split up twelve months down the line…..You got married in spite of your wedding not because of it.” I’m known as a fairly calming voice and those lines seem to say it all. So enjoy the planning, be confident with your decisions, all your hard work will be worth it. So let yourselves arrive at your big day with open hearts, and enjoy sharing all that the day brings with your loved ones.

With thanks to author Mark Haddon for his excellent book ‘A Spot of Bother’.

Fiona Mahon, Registration Standards and Monitoring Officer

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